Problems/ #1

American Society today has developed it’s own unique problems. Commonly I blame ignorance for the problems that modern day Americans face everyday. This is a catch all excuse for what is ailing us. I would like readers to take time to think out what I am trying to express in this and the following blogs. It is meant to draw attentions to things that I have yet to find people focusing their efforts on, maybe I am just blind to those working to fix this problems, if this is the case please feel free to tell me.

Problem #1: Labeling a person as Unique but treating them the same as everyone else.

I hyperactive child is labeled as having a server chemical imbalance, when in fact each person is biologically different from everyone else. A common exercise I use to show that people could be very different, is the way we see colors. Red, White, Green and Blue are all different wavelengths of color. Your eye which is made up of cones and rods pick up each one of the colors and sends them to your occipital lope through a series of electronic passage ways that were established and maintained throughout your life. From childhood you are told that one wavelength is blue and an other one is red. Your mind will see the same wavelength, but it may see it different then your own mother. You are both looking at the same wave length and calling it by the same name but what you see could very well be very different. I see a wavelength and it always looks like one color; you see the same wavelength and it looks like a different color, then the one I see but we call it the same. The point of this example is that if the colors are very different but we call them the same, we will not accept that we are different.

Hyperactivity is simply acting more then the ‘norm’. First off if people are all different then there would be a median not a ‘norm’. Second, hyperactivity can be caused by an number of things, but it is all treated in a similar manner. Sugar, which is in fruits and candy bars, could be in too high of a concentration for the child. Caffeine, which is commonly found in everyday items like bread (please wait for the problem on food before taking dietary action), could be in a high concentration. People react differently to different foods, they even act differently to the same food at a different time. Another causes could be stress, too much sleep, not enough sleep, domestic problems, emotional problems (normally suppression, not an actual disorder.) or under-stimulation (your child is not using all of his/her brain at that point.)

The treatment is medicate and label. Medicating is something I have a few qualms with  personally, past experiences have shown that it is quickly prescribed and most people are the post-FDA trials. People are biologically different; the cause and proper treatment of a ‘disorder’ will require more then 40 minutes in the line at the pharmacy once a month.

Some doctors tell you that medication is just a treatment for the effects, but most of the time it is done improperly or the person/ people involved are more worried about being late so they miss or forget that part. Change of diet, talking to see if there is a problem, change of sleep patterns, assessing the level of difficulty and your child’s comprehension rate and setting exercise routines are things that should be addressed, if only to be an additive to the medication.

The overlaying problem with the system in place: People who are labeled with a disorder tend to live their life to the point where the label becomes all they can do. ‘disorder’ is a strong word and it has a lot of negative meanings attached to it. Which sounds worse to you ‘Johny has a mental disorder’ or ‘Johny has a hard time paying attention in class.’

Many problems of children do not get addressed because it makes the parent look bad. Yeah there is a good chance that your childs ‘disorder’ is caused by something you, or the other adults in your child’s life, did. There is even more of a chance that if the problem goes without being addressed that it will be passed on to your grandchildren. Either the same emotional problems, or an emotional problem based on the repression of emotional response to your emotional problem.

Most suffer from emotional problems, most are to ignorant to discuss it and find a solution to it.

-NK

Am I cursed?

I am really very lost on relationships. It seems that because I am never suited for the position of Mr. Right Now, that women are disinterested. The qualities that I can bring to a relationship are all things that someone can not find out in one date. I am a generous and caring. I am open and honest. My weaker points tend to surface early on, I lost family members young and I think people are unnerved by my understanding.

How on earth am I supposed to be open and honest if I have to hide what makes me a unique individual to get past a first date or even make it to the first date. If I am cursed it is the curse of wisdom. When people ask me the questions that they have not been able to answer and it takes me a few moments to access the situation, I come off sounding abrasive and rude.

Sometimes I wish I could just stop and wait for other people to go through similar life events. I hate and love the fact that I am different. I hate the fact that I had to go through all of the pain, I hate that I can not have an I wonder conversation, but I love that when people are real and they look me in the eye with tears for a lost love one I can speak to them on a level that has no words, I love that I can use my perspective on the world to help people seeking answers.

One truth that I have found of myself is that I fear being alone. Another truth I have found of myself is that I fear to work to be anything substantial to someone else. My physical and emotional needs of another person to have and hold are not meant, because I struggle with my mental comprehension of self.

Another chapter of being lost

-NK

Total Shutdown (personal revisit)

December 1999 I lost a three year old nephew to Cancer. December 2000 I lost a twenty-nine year old sister to a blood clot that collapsed her lung.

Both of these events placed me in a separated state of being. The day to day was lived because I knew if I did not trudge on I was worse off then dead. The way I saw it if there was something wrong with me then everyone was going to worry about me. The last thing that I wanted was for people to worry about me, so I learned real quick how to mask emotions and float by. I did all of it just because other people told me that it was something that I had to do to fit into society.

I was numb and pretending to feel, a horrid mix for a teenager. I lost too many years of learning how to handle ups and downs. I lost too many years learning how to properly express myself. I lost too many years finding out who I was as a person. Any bit pf potential that I had went toward masking that there was anything wrong in my life. The really good teachers still saw every bit of it, but they knew if they let on I would close up. So they pushed me and tested me, some decided that I would find my own greatness and achieve it.

Well the events of getting and losing my first girl friend. Being over medicated and feeling like a social outcast when I had a large group of friends, the confusing year at college with a roommate that was crazier then me all tore my down to the point where once again my potential was not reached.

Today I heard it in my seventh grade teachers voice. Back in the seventh grade right in the thick of everything, my teacher had us all write down something in a journal. We had ten minutes and we could write whatever we wanted. she was never going to look at them. Well I decided that I was going to create a new world. A world of dragons, so everyday for ten minutes I wrote about dragons. It was that journal that led me to my love for writing. The sharing of emotions, the creating of things that did not exist before the pen hit the paper and the escape from it all. Well today at work I told her when she passed by that I was still writing, she told me she was so glad to hear it, she said it made her day that I was still writing. I for her was one of the moments she wanted to teach.

There are a few people that see greatness in me. I am having a hard time figure out what they see but I know that they can see it. Since the formation of this blog I have gone through enormous amounts of changes. I have figured out things that have been racing around in my mind for years and I am finally starting to feel things. Happy, sad and angry. Each one of them I am working on figuring out and doing things that adequately balance them. Most of the time if I can remove myself from the stressor and think out my response to it, I find that I have the ability to pace through anything thrown at me, but from time to time I get a little caught up and forget to stop and think about what is going on.

So I can personally tell you there is an off switch to your emotional core, and when you turn it off get ready because you have to deal with everything that comes your way without an emotion helping learn what is bothering you, in order to turn your core back on.

Mind, Body and Emotions. All need to be healthy and well kept.

-NK

Ups

I have reached a point where my downs are not bad enough to keep me chained to my bed. But the ups hurt, it is a lot like walking out of a dark house into the sun glinting off a pure coat of white snow. The feeling is so far removed that I have no idea what to do with it. I find my self trying to find ways to feel like shit.

Granted I am still working on progression of myself. I am committing to walking my dog nightly. I am reading in my free time. I am writing my thoughts down and trying to find ways to clarify them so they make sense to others. I am talking when I want to say something and limiting my words when I am to nervous to state them the way that I want to.

Progression through regression, I am going back to the things that I used to do naturally but was not sure the best way to do so. I have learned a lot of social things in the last few years. I am taking what I learned and applying it to the things that I to love to do.

I still struggle from time to time with wondering if I deserve to feel happy. I met a couple at work the other day and there random entrance into my life stirred up things that I would not have thought of otherwise. J, the female, told me that a person told her she had seven angles. I responded with I know for a fact I have two, meaning my sister and nephew that died years ago. I then got on the track of what my sister did for me when she was alive. My sister spent half of her life showing me that I had a lot of potential and how to use it. It would be rude for me to waste all the time and effort she put into me.

There is a lot of work ahead, I kinda look forward to the ups and downs life will throw at me.

“There is a bad and a good way to take everything, the bad comes easy, the good you have to fight for.”

-NK

Outgoingly Shy.

I found out that for an outgoing person I am very shy. I think that some of my outgoing nature is in fact a way of me being shy. I talk when I am nervous, I am nervous because I am shy. I do not think I have ever been open at the right moments.

It gets to the point where I just say everything that is on my mind, just to avoid people getting close. This can find some wondrous, but it normally drives potential partners away. I will use my intuitive nature to be abrasive instead of charming. I think to use information gained to be more appealing is lying, for that matter I think what I am doing is worse. In that moment when the person is decided what grade of person you have the potential to be, I open my mouth and give them a life lesson.

If you want someone to stop talking to you just stare them in the eye and tell them what you think is wrong with them and then give them advice to fix it. That’s the way to make enemies, and if done right you can worsen their situation more then fix it.

I found where I need to place my filter. There are things that will sound rash, because that is the only way to say them, so if they have to be said say them. Though look out for things that could be said at a better time or in a better way. Timing and composition are why there are Therapists. First off because the right way can help a person progress and second because people open their mouths and say things that are hurtful or inappropriate.

Found a practical  definition of inappropriate: To assume something and speak for another person.

Who knew that cuss words weren’t the only inappropriate things to say. People are going to react in their own way and time. To have a solid frame on who you are and then lead by example, has turned out to be a good technique to help other people learn who they are.

The main reason I write these blogs is to clarify what things mean to me and to have some clear definitions to things. The words themselves have no applicable use, they are however useful. Because you can think about what the words say and then turn them into something that is applicable to you.

Think, ask, communicate, help, learn, GROW.

-NK

The Yo Theorem (short essay)

As a word Yo has a limited usage, but as a state of being Yo is as powerful as you want it to be.

The word Yo: a greeting, commonly used instead of ‘Hey’ or to answer ‘here’ in a role call.

Yo the state of being: Being at a state where you are not happy with the amount of attention that you have, not necessarily in a negative context. On the positive scale Yo means ‘I am here, I have things to share’, on a negative scale Yo means ‘I am here, why won’t anyone listen to me.’

In a way Yo is an essential piece in daily communication. People in a state if Yo, need to share. May it be words, talents or frames of mind. Yo means that you are ready to openly share or help others, through regular conversation. The conversation could be blog, regular back and forth, point specific or one person asking while the other listens/answers. Yoists speak and non-yoists listen or learn from. Normally a non-yoists do not like attention, conversation is more of a set tool for a non-yoist. A yoist uses conversation as a work of art, constantly trying to adapt to the audience to allow for the best outcome.

Do to the fact that there is a positive and a negative form of yoism, there are good and bad outcomes to yoism. The common example of a negative yoist is Hitler. Common examples of positive yoist include Gandhiand Martin Luther King Jr. Each of these men where skilled with words, to the point their words rallied people toward a common goal.

So I ask ‘Yo, is it in you?’

-NK

Hints, Allegations and Things Left Unsaid…

Thank the title to the band Collective Soul.

I need to write words, so… I am going to form a list of things that I think are important in life.

1. Take the time to find out who you are.

2. Always make sure you are on the path that you want to be on. Look yourself in the mirror and make sure you like the person that is looking back at you.

3. Know what your needs are and communicate them verbally to others.

4. Have Hope and Faith in your life.

5. Know what YOU love and LOVE it.
That’s what I have right now, to me it seems like a sound list.

Right now I am upset at a good some of people that will not tell me the truth straight out. Lies are damaging, and so are half truths. That being said I know how hard the truth is to tell, therefore all a can do is wait and accept whatever comes from it.

I pray for the strength to tell the truth.

Amen

And all I can do is just pour some tea for two….

I am taking an emotional sky dive. I am placing were all my worries to the side and just going out and trying to meet new people. I wrote an essay that I hope to post at some point, the basic idea was to grow and develop and then when you know who you are move on to something better.

Through these blogs, I came up with a philosophy that works for the formation of a healthy relationship. “If two is a relationship, where one equals a well rounded person; Why do we get upset that a relationship does not work if we were not 100% going into it.”

This only helps to start a relationship, most notably because you only have control over your half of it. I was bouncing it off of a man that I work with; both he and his wife work in the store, I think that they have a very good relationship and I respect his opinions. He basically said that yes being well rounded is good, but remember that there are ups and downs, and that you change over time.

So I am going to define, with the hope of clarity.

Relationship: Multiple interactions between two individuals were one is gaining from the other.

Healthy Relationship: Relationship where both individuals are growing without impeding the growth of the other.

Well rounded person: An individual that is healthy emotionally and mentally, someone that can have ups and downs but follows a natural and healthy course through events. Anger, sadness and happiness are all important emotions to have and express. A well rounded person accepts and learns from their emotions to make themselves better. This means they are Adaptive.

Adaptive (individual): Being able to continue on functionally in a reasonable amount of time(scale different for everyone.) Life will throw curve balls your ability to react in a rational and healthy manner is a big part of being well rounded and functional in a healthy relationship.

Healthy: Broad and fluxing term to define an overall cycle. Ex: Incorporating more vegetables into your diet is healthier for you. AEx:” It’s just not healthy, he has been just lying in his bed for months. It is like he died with her.”

I kneel and kiss the feet of the man on the cross, “Guide and Save me, I pray for comfort.”

-NK

Swallow my doubt turn it inside out, find nothin’ but faith in nothin’

This is a post that I need to do for myself. I need to start fighting for myself. I need to accept that divine powers are for when this life is over, I am the one that controls what is going on in my life on this planet.

Here is my anger, I hate everyone that I never let myself hate. Here is my love, I love everyone that stood by me. Here is my sadness, I have fought too long to remember those that left me. Here is my anxiety, I fear I will die only being 5% of someones life. Here are my hopes, I hope to get the hell out of my own way.

It is time for me to wake up and start living, there  is only so long before it is all gone. So, from this day one I will wake up for me and I will work to get were I want to be.

It is the only promise I can give to myself and I have yet to break a promise.

-NK

Echoes of NK: Shadow Fighting.

Sometimes deals us too many cards to deal with all at once, two hands and all your friends do not seem to be strong enough to deal with every hand being dealt to you. It has happened to me many times, this means I am blessed with the curse of wisdom.

Two years ago, I was dumbed by the only girlfriend I ever had. Since then I have been living my life like a man watching a t.v. show. All the motions where being followed, but I yelled and groaned about the re runs. The new dynamics for movies were hyped up versions of every movie formula before that. The problem with getting everything you ever wished for, is when you lose it you have nothing. The whole world seems to have ripped your soul to pieces. I gave up a lot to have a relationship that I was not ready for.

Hiding in my closet, with a remote, was only one step further then five years prior I had locked myself away in my tower, my sister had died. She was the only person that fought for me, she saw what was in me and she fought to let me have it.

To my sister, the last words I never said:

I love you Cathy, I always did. We had it hard didn’t we. Well I guess I will see you at the end of time, I know your still here, otherwise I would not have the strength  to write this.  I am going to work on living up to the potential that you saw in me.

With all that I have in my heart I bless each and every person that reads this.

There is still love in this world, you just need to express it.

-NK