I have recently seen that things take time and the more you try to rush things the longer they take. That gut feeling that you get that tells you there is nothing you can say, should be listened to. When you know that you can not say the helpful thing, it is sometimes better to lend support in another way. The “I know how you feel” and “Sure it’s tough now, but you’ll make it through” comments are sometimes counter productive.
My problems with taking time occurs most when I try to make someone I just met a dear friend. Friendships built on need are unstable and can end horribly. I found myself giving time and effort to ‘friends’, one had no respect for me and the other never trusted me. I think they are fun to hang out with but they are not friends based on common interest, they are friends that I made because I felt I needed friends to make me whole.
I have found that the other way around make for a better combination. To have friends you need to be whole. I think that this is an unattainable goal most of the time, but I found that I was spending a lot of time working on friendships that were not giving anything back to me.
Sure there are friends that are compatible instantly, but this normally happens when both people are at a very similar point in there life and they have the same ideals for a friendship in mind. Just like Rome, a long lasting friendship is not built in a day.
Goals for myself, work on finding what I like to do and doing it. While working on doing what I like to do take time to look around (met people, make plans with them.), judge what is and is not working in friendships that already exist and in new friendships.
You are the only person you need; you can choose who to relay upon and who will relay on you.
-NK
