Wonder Walk

I spend most of my days lost inside of my head. It seems that as the days go on my mind starts to take over for my tiring body. I lie down and my body begins to rest, but my head starts to flow with information gained that day and thoughts that sometimes are almost impossible to keep up with.

An instant message conversation stays fresh no matter how many other things I am doing online. I can be chatting with four or five different people and surfing the net and the conversations stay with me. If I am trying to write something down or read something the information flows right out of my head.

When I read something I learn more from thinking about other things that I read of similar genre, I can go at other things a different way with the perspective given in the new piece. Most of the new information does not sink in until I read something new on the same subject.

I think that I maybe thinking in a different way then other people but I can never be sure, it is hard to explain my thought process, therefor it would be hard for the other person to do so as well. So if this whole blog makes no sense and does not seem to have any logical ties let me know, because I would then know that I think differently for certain. Do me the favor of pointing out what does not make sense and why.

-NK

Well Shit

I am tired of not being the person people think I should be, people that I looked up to ask me why I have not gone on and done great things. The main reason is that I do not believe that great things are possible, my life has show that there is bad and then there is worse. The most influential reason is because I would rather be a no body then a failure, seems as though I am long past hidden and there are people that see the possibility of greatness in me.

Goals for near future:

1. find out what I want

2. find out what I need to do to get what I want

3. go get it

Fucking A! I have to grow up, well shit.

-IDK anymore

News I never thought I would get, a lesson learned.

Well I was on my favored waste of time website, and a friend was on the chat function. I decided that an overly open conversation would be worthwhile, I said ‘well if you had been single, I would have asked you out.’ referring to about a month ago. She replied ‘Yeah I would have gone a on a few dates with you, I dont know how serious we could have gotten because of time…’

‘Well I should have asked you freshmen year.’ And then there it was something I never thought I would find out about me. She said ‘Seriously, I wanted you to ask me out freshmen year, but you never did.’

-The lesson learned is ask them out if you want to, there really is nothing to lose otherwise.

To look at this logically: Before you ask, there is no chance because they do not know you are interested and they are most likely as nervous as you are. Also, you are not in a relationship, you just want to be. If you ask them out, you either succeed and learn more about yourself, dating and you build confidence either way; or you fail, and the situation stays the same, but you have the ability to move on and maybe the situation will change down the road.

-An older lesson that I think necessary to add here:

Take it slow, not to the point you never ask, that’s just stupid. You should go on dates, let them know that you want to go slow. Make sure you do not push your limits and make sure you do not push theirs.

From a wiser point of view:

if you make a s.o. all of your life you limit time for yourself, your friends, your family and other opportunities that you would have never thrown away before.

I lost good friends, my family ties weakened, I stayed from my life goals, I had a hard road to get back when I got dumped.

-A lesson for people dating (common sense I think everyone should have.)

Use a condom everytime and the women should be on prenatal vitamins.

From a biologically view:

STI’s will ruin your life. Painful treatments, Causing your loved one to get infected and possibly die while you still live, giving it genetically to your kids.

Condom greatly reduce the risk of the female pregnant.

For the women, prenatal vitamins are just a way to make your body healthy if you get pregnant, they do not increase the likelihood of becoming pregnant. Many birth defects can be avoided if you take them, and they are beneficial to your own health. GO ASK YOUR DOCTOR.

Sorry for the rant, but I think that important things are left unsaid,

-NK

The one thing that gets me mad

I will start to defend my side of a debate, the issue is normally of no importance at all. As I am stating my views, I evidently sound very set in whatever I am saying. The other person will go: ‘oh, I don’t want to take about it. You are a mad about it.’ When someone tells me that I am mad I get mad, I was not mad before, really all I was doing was supporting my side of a debate, the matter was not at all personal. I am louder then other people, if I quit myself for long periods of time, I only sound louder to other people when I start to speak without controlling it. Then they tell me that I am yelling. I was not yelling before, so to prove it I yell ‘this is me yelling’ then I go back to my normally loud voice ’so do not tell me I am yelling. The one person that provokes this response in me will just walk off. It fucking goes unchecked and I get more pissed off.

It is upsetting that people tell me what I am doing and refuse to continue the conversation. The only time I get wrapped up enough to forget to control my voice is when I want to learn something new. So they get upset that I am loud, I am I loud person you don’t get upset when a quite person gets quite you kindly ask them to speak up. Ask me to kindly keep it down, instead of act like I am attacking you and I will not get mad that the thing that makes me different is something that is offensive.

I am talking louder then you are, not yelling. That is like telling someone that they are making a stupid mistake without telling them what the mistake is and telling them how they would go at correcting it. Of course I am going to get pissed off when people tell me how I am felling. And the more pissed I get the less i care how loud I am, then I speak in my naturally loud voice. They tell me I am yelling and I prove I am not. They walk off, then I am pissed. but yelling at them proves that I cared in the first place.

The loud and evedently offensive,

-NK

You cannot trust anyone….

that cannot trust on you.

I am not saying that you have to give all you have to another person all at once, by all means go at it at your own pace, but you cannot expect someone to trust and respect you if you do not do the same in return. Lets face it, people are selfish. And the only way that we can work on fixing the lack of trust is to start to give it.

Any relationship (interaction between two people) requires a level of trust and respect. No matter what kind of day I am having I refrain from walking into a fast food restaurant and bitching out the person behind the counter, they play a role in making the food that I am going to be eating. If want to be able to trust that the person is not going to clear his throat into your hamburger, a small amount of respect is necessary.

If you think that your spouse is not respecting the sanctity of your marriage, it is time to seek professional help. Both for you singularly and as a couple. In the case of someone not respecting you, it is most likely that you have not trusted them.

Sometimes trusting another person is sitting down and discussing your concerns, if it gets to the point where you think they are having sex with a co-worker, chances are that you have not been completely open and honest. It is true that long lasting relationships can be built on lies, but healthy relationships are based on trust and honesty.

If it gets to the point where you are not sure of the answer to the question being asked of you, be honest and say that you do not know. If  you are afraid that you will hurt them, tell them you do not know how to say it right. It is still being honest to say that there are things you are not ready to discuss, just know that there reaction deserves respect, as does yours, and compromises have to be made.

Trust and Respect are give and take, in order to trust someone  you have to know that they trust you.

-Nk

Ok, now I need some help.

I have been single for over two years now. It is to the point where I want a real relationship and I physically need to have sex. I can talk to women, but I can not really imply anything sexual without being nervous. Most of the nervousness comes from the fact that when I do, I lose contact with the female completely. I have heard back from one and she thanked me for teaching her to be open to loving another person. The rest just up and disappeared, I would love to know what I did wrong. Because if I agree that it was wrong or there was a misunderstanding I could try to fix how I word things, certain things I do.

The mix of my emotional, mental and physical needs makes me want to puke. The fact that it happens over and over and over, leads me to believe that something is making me undateable. I am so far lost on the rules of dating, the rules of attraction, all rule the imply a girlfriend at all really.

-NK

Problem #3

Sorry for the lapse in the posts, I was on vacation.

For the third problem in American Culture, I would like to reopen discussion. On a day to day basis people are slowing not having conversations (by my term of the word.) People started to just talk, throwing values and ethics from their talks and becoming personally offended from someone else’s opinion.

I am a Socratic learner I learn most discussing things and judging the verbal response, the initial and long term actions. I have come to use the term Conversation to mean: Two or more people talking about their opinion on any given subject, while assessing the other persons response and reevaluating your opinion.

I am not perfect and there are many times when I take a criticism with good intent as an insult. It is easy to do, I like anyone else like to feel justified in my daily routine, personal beliefs and standards. Personally I have been looking back at myself, as a means to become the person I want to be. One thing that has been a blight on my development was refusing to openly discuss things that worried others about myself. The importance of their the conversation they wanted to have may have not been all to important to discuss, but it showed my distrust in them. In order to have a relationship (meaning two people that interact on a regular basis, not limited to significant others or family members) with another person you have to openly discuss things from time to time.

When I refused to talk to them about the little things that I was already working to correct or I got offend by them addressing the issue, I showed them that I did not want to discuss anything. I recently found that  many of my family members were worried about my health conditions, that where a result of over medication. They had not discussed it because they saw no point in bringing up something that would possibly offend me. This standard works only if you are willing to take criticism as well.

It seem today that people talk, some a lot some not very often. They take their own opinion as the whole truth and nothing but. I will use strong conjecture to express my opinion but I want to have feedback and open the floor to discussion. In the earlier problems I set the theme that the problems surround the assessing that people can have a one fits all solution to things. In this instance, people take their opinion and express it as the only way possible. People are different; they were raised different and they have had many different things that they have interpreted in their own way. Because people are different there is no on size fits all way to live. Your opinion is valuable and can help someone to find their own opinion, but if another person lives their life to your opinion they will not grow on their own.

A conversation does not need to have a point or meaning, you do not need to be worried about the well being of another person before discussing their opinion on certain things. Actually there is a good likelihood, if you are worried about someone, that you have not had enough conversations. Naturally we learn and develop to grow a self by the opinion and actions of others. Conversations help to define who we are and what can be gained by the insight of others. Strong personal connection with another person, due to the level of discussion of their beliefs (not necessarily the events that lead to their beliefs, something are better left unsaid.) can build long lasting healthy relationships.

I ask all the readers of this blog to start having conversations with other people. Go into the conversation ready to allow the other person to express their opinion and listen to them. Do not get upset about their choices. do not get offended because they believe something that you do not. Do not take offense if they can not hold their composure (they may get offended by your belief, this may mean that you should rethink your belief but do not get upset at them for having their own belief.)  Listen and respect their words. See what your gut reactions are to their responses (how do you feel, why would you feel that way about it.) Try to think it over, and be ready to leave it when you have gained all you can from it. Do not dwell on the difference on your opinions, do not try to change someone else, just find your way and live by it.

Find the time to sit down to converse and you may just sort out things you never thought needed sorting.

-NK

Problem #2

Loss of Drive.

People have dreams and goals. If you ever find yourself waking up wondering why you never followed your dreams, there is a likelihood you blame ‘reality’ for crushing your dreams. Personally I think all failed dreams are do to the dreamer not following them. Cars, Television Sets and over consumption of sugar and caffeine are things that side track us from our dreams. Each and everyone of those things is a constant choice. So, it is not reality that crushes your dreams it is your lack of drive to turn off the t.v. and your choice to drink soda over water.

Television vs. Book: A movie or show stimulates your mind and all you can do is watch. when you open a book your mind is not completely submerged so you have can think about your day, what the words mean to you, not what is being show to you. I know to well how had it is to turn off the t.v. and pick up a book. Not to long ago it donned on me that the reason I have such a hard time focusing on the book is because I am so used to everything being done for me. There is no thinking involved  to watching a show, everything has a prescribed ending. The only thing new to be found from watching a movie over and over is the small details. A book if read during different parts of your life can mean very different things. A book can hold so much more because part of reading the text is evaluating and associating the book to yourself and event happening at the time

Car vs. The old two step: A car is a very valuable tool, when it comes to going a long distance in a short amount of time. I walk to work, school and with my dog. My life is scheduled out to allow for time to walk in heavy traffic and bad weather. If a persons life is designed to be ten minutes away from everything then 30 seconds is a large delay. While walking I find myself able to enjoy a five minute conversation with someone I haven not seen for a few days. Drivers yell at someone for holding them up for all of three seconds. as I have stated before walking can help to clear your mind and to prepare yourself for where you are going.

Soda vs. water: caffeine and sugar make you feel good but can lead to health problems. Water is good for you, without it your body starts to function improperly. Sugar and Caffeine also make it hard to have logical and even coherent thought. Your brain processes faster, most of the time too fast to think things out.
It is easy to get caught up and lose sight of your goals. The t.v. becomes part of your daily routine and you become dependent on it to keep your mind occupied. it cost money to keep a car going, it cost money to have things to watch all the time, it costs money to keep you running on sugar and caffeine.

So you trade your goals and dreams for a dead end job that pays for things that only get in the way of your goals. If you call that ‘reality’ stepping in your way, then you are choosing to let yourself to stand in your own way.

Please feel free to share anywhere I was illogical (please note: these are opinions based on my life and are subject to interpretation to fit your life).

-NK

Problems/ #1

American Society today has developed it’s own unique problems. Commonly I blame ignorance for the problems that modern day Americans face everyday. This is a catch all excuse for what is ailing us. I would like readers to take time to think out what I am trying to express in this and the following blogs. It is meant to draw attentions to things that I have yet to find people focusing their efforts on, maybe I am just blind to those working to fix this problems, if this is the case please feel free to tell me.

Problem #1: Labeling a person as Unique but treating them the same as everyone else.

I hyperactive child is labeled as having a server chemical imbalance, when in fact each person is biologically different from everyone else. A common exercise I use to show that people could be very different, is the way we see colors. Red, White, Green and Blue are all different wavelengths of color. Your eye which is made up of cones and rods pick up each one of the colors and sends them to your occipital lope through a series of electronic passage ways that were established and maintained throughout your life. From childhood you are told that one wavelength is blue and an other one is red. Your mind will see the same wavelength, but it may see it different then your own mother. You are both looking at the same wave length and calling it by the same name but what you see could very well be very different. I see a wavelength and it always looks like one color; you see the same wavelength and it looks like a different color, then the one I see but we call it the same. The point of this example is that if the colors are very different but we call them the same, we will not accept that we are different.

Hyperactivity is simply acting more then the ‘norm’. First off if people are all different then there would be a median not a ‘norm’. Second, hyperactivity can be caused by an number of things, but it is all treated in a similar manner. Sugar, which is in fruits and candy bars, could be in too high of a concentration for the child. Caffeine, which is commonly found in everyday items like bread (please wait for the problem on food before taking dietary action), could be in a high concentration. People react differently to different foods, they even act differently to the same food at a different time. Another causes could be stress, too much sleep, not enough sleep, domestic problems, emotional problems (normally suppression, not an actual disorder.) or under-stimulation (your child is not using all of his/her brain at that point.)

The treatment is medicate and label. Medicating is something I have a few qualms with  personally, past experiences have shown that it is quickly prescribed and most people are the post-FDA trials. People are biologically different; the cause and proper treatment of a ‘disorder’ will require more then 40 minutes in the line at the pharmacy once a month.

Some doctors tell you that medication is just a treatment for the effects, but most of the time it is done improperly or the person/ people involved are more worried about being late so they miss or forget that part. Change of diet, talking to see if there is a problem, change of sleep patterns, assessing the level of difficulty and your child’s comprehension rate and setting exercise routines are things that should be addressed, if only to be an additive to the medication.

The overlaying problem with the system in place: People who are labeled with a disorder tend to live their life to the point where the label becomes all they can do. ‘disorder’ is a strong word and it has a lot of negative meanings attached to it. Which sounds worse to you ‘Johny has a mental disorder’ or ‘Johny has a hard time paying attention in class.’

Many problems of children do not get addressed because it makes the parent look bad. Yeah there is a good chance that your childs ‘disorder’ is caused by something you, or the other adults in your child’s life, did. There is even more of a chance that if the problem goes without being addressed that it will be passed on to your grandchildren. Either the same emotional problems, or an emotional problem based on the repression of emotional response to your emotional problem.

Most suffer from emotional problems, most are to ignorant to discuss it and find a solution to it.

-NK

Full story on outgoingly shy.

I went to the second party I have ever been to. The first mistake I made was getting really drunk, the second was opening my mouth and the third was assuming things.

I like to test out things on people, try to figure out social dynamics quickly and not really care for the overall outcome of the situation. When I am drunk I evidently go all out with how abrasive and rude I am about things.

So here is the story from the start, I was hanging out with a friend, Ted. Well Ted is well known in the town, and it was not my normal stomping grounds. Ted said that he was unsure about what he thought about the people. I took this to mean he did not care much about the outcome of the event, so about two or so beers down I look at the female that had invited us and said ‘Ted likes you I know it.’ right in front of everyone. There were a few things I was testing there. One initial response to bluntness and what other peoples response was. No one liked it period, from what I saw people had no response what so ever. They did not tell me they that I was being an ass, they did not respond one way or the other to the question. They actually just decided to pretend it was not happening and they disregarded my presence all together.

I also learned that Ted was not being altogether truthful about the situation. Turns out that the roommate of the girl was someone he was interested and he cared a bit about the outcome.

I agree that I was an ass and I plan not to do it again. I am a little pissed that no one says anything they mean. If someone asks me a question I will answer truthfully, this includes my response of ‘ I do not feel comfortable discussing it, please stop asking.’ Seriously everyone there was felt the same about it but they tried to disregard it instead of answer the question.

So sorry Ted, no idea I was messing anything up. I knew I was being a bit of an ass, but no idea it meant anything.

-Regretfully NK